This recent Education Week News commentary describes the tremendous under-reporting of levels of school violence in the US. My guess is that this might be true in other countries as well.
While the situation described saddens me, it does not surprise me. At Kidpower, we hear stories all the time from upset, frightened parents whose children have been harassed, bullied, intimidated, and attacked at school. We coach parents in how to advocate with school authorities for their children and in how to prepare their children with skills to protect themselves and get help. In our experience, most of these assaults are not reported.
To be effective, administrative and reporting solutions must include resources and skills for preventing and stopping peer aggression. Teachers, playground supervisors, bus drivers, parents and all other adults in the school community need to know how to notice problems sooner rather than later, and how to intervene in a pro-active balanced way. They need to be commended by school administrators for addressing problems, rather than trying to minimize those problems.
This article gives some of Kidpower’s perspective about what makes it hard for institutions such as schools to address problems and what actions we can take as individuals to address these issues:
Worthy of Trust: What Organizations Need to Do to Protect Children From Harm
The purpose of our Positive Peer Interaction Initiative is to give adults and children tools for building healthy relationships, for setting boundaries in powerful and respectful ways, and for being persistent in getting help. This article gives an example of how we use skills to address difficult and/or dangerous behavior.
Practice as a Management Tool for Unsafe, Disrespectful Behavior
These two articles are examples of our approach to dealing with violence in schools:
Armed Violence in Schools – Solutions for Empowering Children
Overcoming the Bystander Effect: Kidpower Response to Richmond High School Assault
Finally, this article provides guidance for parents on what to do to take charge of the safety of their children at school in ways that are realistic, respectful, and effective most of the time:
Bullying in Schools - Seven Solutions for Parents
At Kidpower, our goal is to empower administrators, teachers, parents, and children with knowledge and skills for creating cultures of caring, respect, and safety for everyone. We do this through our free on-line Library, our publications, and our workshops. Please contact us at safety@kidpower.org for more information.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
My sister often says that your qualities are gifts when you are in charge of them, but problems when they are in charge of you. A drive for excellence is an excellent thing, but perfectionism - when nothing is ever good enough unless it is "perfect" - can become a destructive force in our lives.
Getting stuck in the details of what's lacking and forever measuring ourselves against some impossible standard can diminish our joy and ability to keep the big picture of what we truly most want to accomplish in mind.
One of my life tasks is to set boundaries with myself about my forms of perfectionism. We have a Kidpower saying that, "You don't have to be perfect to be great!" A useful correllary is, "Trying too hard to be perfect can cause you to lose great."
For example, my perfectionism often takes the form of trying to do too much with way too little. Many people, when they try to fit too much activity into too small a "box" of time and resources, tend to have things they have promised to do and need to do spilling over the top and not getting done. More often, I tend to cram so much into my box of time that the whole box starts straining at the seams, which is hard on anyone sharing that box with me,not to mention myself.
As a recovering perfectionist about some aspects of my life (NOT housekeeping or cooking, however), here are a few things that I have found to be helpful:
1) Notice my anxiety about things not being perfect and focus on regaining perspective rather than on trying harder.
2) Before I try to fix something, ask myself, "Is this really important or am I being a nitpicker right now?"
3) Celebrate each moment, our mistakes as well as our successes. Remember that falling down is part of learning to walk. If we were to worry about each fall as being a failure to walk, our toddlers could get discouraged, Instead, we cheer toddlers on for each attempt, however shaky, and however often they plop onto the ground. Let's start celebrating each moment for ourselves and others in each part of our lives.
Getting stuck in the details of what's lacking and forever measuring ourselves against some impossible standard can diminish our joy and ability to keep the big picture of what we truly most want to accomplish in mind.
One of my life tasks is to set boundaries with myself about my forms of perfectionism. We have a Kidpower saying that, "You don't have to be perfect to be great!" A useful correllary is, "Trying too hard to be perfect can cause you to lose great."
For example, my perfectionism often takes the form of trying to do too much with way too little. Many people, when they try to fit too much activity into too small a "box" of time and resources, tend to have things they have promised to do and need to do spilling over the top and not getting done. More often, I tend to cram so much into my box of time that the whole box starts straining at the seams, which is hard on anyone sharing that box with me,not to mention myself.
As a recovering perfectionist about some aspects of my life (NOT housekeeping or cooking, however), here are a few things that I have found to be helpful:
1) Notice my anxiety about things not being perfect and focus on regaining perspective rather than on trying harder.
2) Before I try to fix something, ask myself, "Is this really important or am I being a nitpicker right now?"
3) Celebrate each moment, our mistakes as well as our successes. Remember that falling down is part of learning to walk. If we were to worry about each fall as being a failure to walk, our toddlers could get discouraged, Instead, we cheer toddlers on for each attempt, however shaky, and however often they plop onto the ground. Let's start celebrating each moment for ourselves and others in each part of our lives.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Protecting Against Sexual Assault Without Blaming the Victims – Kidpower Response to London “Wake Up to Rape” Study
When I was a young woman coming of age in the late 1960s and early ‘70s, the woman's movement was just beginning to build understanding that sexual assaults were NOT the woman's fault. Even if women were involved, as I was, in working on social justice issues, most of us believed that we only had ourselves were to blame if a man tried to harass or rape us.
If we were assaulted, most of us believed it was probably because we had dressed too provocatively, been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or “led the man on” by giving him the "wrong idea." Ironically, since sexual assaults are most likely happen from someone you know, the men I had problems with were usually men who were also working for social justice.
Forty years later, I have mixed feelings about the on-line survey titled "Wake Up to Rape" of 1,061 Londoners between the ages of 18 and 50 in which many respondents said that the woman was at least partly responsible if she went back to the assailant’s house, flirted, wore revealing clothing, or danced provactively.
Nearly 75% of the women responding said that climbing into bed with the eventual attacker meant the woman was responsible, even if she was too drunk to make a decision or later changed her mind. One in three of the men respondents said they didn’t think it was rape if they made their partner have sex if she didn’t want to. Women respondents, especially between the ages of 18 and 24, were more likely to blame the woman than the men were.
The sad news is that the “blame the victim” beliefs still exist in a high percentage of women and men, leading to many sexual assaults going unreported and many victims feeling extremely isolated and not getting help. After all the work done by educators, mental health professionals, and self-defense experts, how can so many people still hang on to these destructive beliefs?
The good news is that the percentage of people who hold these beliefs is much lower than it was 40 years ago and that studies like this exist, are highly publicized instead of being ignored, and cause shock and outrage that will lead to increased education and understanding. And the good news is that self-defense, self-protection, and personal safety training is much more widely available than it used to be.
As educators in the personal safety and violence prevention field, our challenge is to balance the teaching of effective self-protection skills with clarity about the fact that the person who is responsible for an attack is the attacker, not the victim.
Yes, someone might make choices that are more safe or less safe. However, no matter how someone dresses or behaves, no one deserves to be attacked or forced to have sex against her or his wishes. Even if you get into bed with someone, you have the right to change your mind about what you are going to do or not do with this person and no one has the right to force you to do something you don’t want to do.
In Kidpower, we teach women and men, boys and girls, to take charge of their personal safety and to advocate for the safety of others. We tell our students that, if someone tries to harm them, this is not their fault, but that they do have the right to protect their own boundaries and the responsibility to notice and respect the boundaries of others.
In our self-defense workshops for teens, I often say, “I am not here to tell you how to dress or how to behave. That’s the job of your parents, teachers, and other adults. My job is to help you develop the knowledge and skills to make safe choices for yourself and others so that you know how to prevent most attacks and to protect yourself in case someone tries to harm you.”
Rather than arguing with people about what they will or won’t do, we have them practice skills and explain, “What you choose to do out in the real world is going to be your decision. What’s important is that you have the understanding and ability so that you are making decisions that are truly your own choice, rather than something you are doing because you don’t know you have other options or because of social pressure from someone who is not respecting your safety or the safety of others.”
We teach that lack of awareness, whether caused by being distracted or oblivious or by being drunk or high, makes you more vulnerable to an attack. This reality does not make an attack your fault, but it does give you information that can protect you from harm.
Using examples that are relevant to their lives, we coach our students so that they are successful in practicing self-protection and self-defense “People Safety” skills including:
• Being aware, calm, and confident;
• Projecting a peaceful powerful attitude;
• Putting safety first even if this causes offense, inconvenience, or embarrassment for yourself or others;
• Moving away from potential trouble even if someone is acting needy, charming, upset, or rude;
• Feeling one way and acting another;
• Managing personal triggers;
• Coping with rejection;
• Protecting yourself from hurtful words and emotional coersion;
• Staying in charge of what you say and do;
• Setting powerful respectful boundaries;
• Physical self-defense to stop and escape from an attack; and
• Being persistent in getting help.
Even with all these skills, we all need to remember that you can do everything right and still have something go wrong. Or, you can make a mistake or an unwise decision. No matter what, if someone attacks you, their violent behavior is never your fault unless you started the conflict by being violent yourself. No one has the right to attack you and, if someone tries, you have the right to protect yourself and to get help.
Note: Copyright © 2010 Kidpower Teenpower Fullpower International www.kidpower.org Permission to quote or reproduce with author's and organization's names and contact information clearly visible.
If we were assaulted, most of us believed it was probably because we had dressed too provocatively, been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or “led the man on” by giving him the "wrong idea." Ironically, since sexual assaults are most likely happen from someone you know, the men I had problems with were usually men who were also working for social justice.
Forty years later, I have mixed feelings about the on-line survey titled "Wake Up to Rape" of 1,061 Londoners between the ages of 18 and 50 in which many respondents said that the woman was at least partly responsible if she went back to the assailant’s house, flirted, wore revealing clothing, or danced provactively.
Nearly 75% of the women responding said that climbing into bed with the eventual attacker meant the woman was responsible, even if she was too drunk to make a decision or later changed her mind. One in three of the men respondents said they didn’t think it was rape if they made their partner have sex if she didn’t want to. Women respondents, especially between the ages of 18 and 24, were more likely to blame the woman than the men were.
The sad news is that the “blame the victim” beliefs still exist in a high percentage of women and men, leading to many sexual assaults going unreported and many victims feeling extremely isolated and not getting help. After all the work done by educators, mental health professionals, and self-defense experts, how can so many people still hang on to these destructive beliefs?
The good news is that the percentage of people who hold these beliefs is much lower than it was 40 years ago and that studies like this exist, are highly publicized instead of being ignored, and cause shock and outrage that will lead to increased education and understanding. And the good news is that self-defense, self-protection, and personal safety training is much more widely available than it used to be.
As educators in the personal safety and violence prevention field, our challenge is to balance the teaching of effective self-protection skills with clarity about the fact that the person who is responsible for an attack is the attacker, not the victim.
Yes, someone might make choices that are more safe or less safe. However, no matter how someone dresses or behaves, no one deserves to be attacked or forced to have sex against her or his wishes. Even if you get into bed with someone, you have the right to change your mind about what you are going to do or not do with this person and no one has the right to force you to do something you don’t want to do.
In Kidpower, we teach women and men, boys and girls, to take charge of their personal safety and to advocate for the safety of others. We tell our students that, if someone tries to harm them, this is not their fault, but that they do have the right to protect their own boundaries and the responsibility to notice and respect the boundaries of others.
In our self-defense workshops for teens, I often say, “I am not here to tell you how to dress or how to behave. That’s the job of your parents, teachers, and other adults. My job is to help you develop the knowledge and skills to make safe choices for yourself and others so that you know how to prevent most attacks and to protect yourself in case someone tries to harm you.”
Rather than arguing with people about what they will or won’t do, we have them practice skills and explain, “What you choose to do out in the real world is going to be your decision. What’s important is that you have the understanding and ability so that you are making decisions that are truly your own choice, rather than something you are doing because you don’t know you have other options or because of social pressure from someone who is not respecting your safety or the safety of others.”
We teach that lack of awareness, whether caused by being distracted or oblivious or by being drunk or high, makes you more vulnerable to an attack. This reality does not make an attack your fault, but it does give you information that can protect you from harm.
Using examples that are relevant to their lives, we coach our students so that they are successful in practicing self-protection and self-defense “People Safety” skills including:
• Being aware, calm, and confident;
• Projecting a peaceful powerful attitude;
• Putting safety first even if this causes offense, inconvenience, or embarrassment for yourself or others;
• Moving away from potential trouble even if someone is acting needy, charming, upset, or rude;
• Feeling one way and acting another;
• Managing personal triggers;
• Coping with rejection;
• Protecting yourself from hurtful words and emotional coersion;
• Staying in charge of what you say and do;
• Setting powerful respectful boundaries;
• Physical self-defense to stop and escape from an attack; and
• Being persistent in getting help.
Even with all these skills, we all need to remember that you can do everything right and still have something go wrong. Or, you can make a mistake or an unwise decision. No matter what, if someone attacks you, their violent behavior is never your fault unless you started the conflict by being violent yourself. No one has the right to attack you and, if someone tries, you have the right to protect yourself and to get help.
Note: Copyright © 2010 Kidpower Teenpower Fullpower International www.kidpower.org Permission to quote or reproduce with author's and organization's names and contact information clearly visible.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Kidpower Self-Defense Strategy: Make Being Nice a Decision, Not an Automatic Habit
During our Fullpower and Teenpower self-defense workshops for adults and teens, we have students practice setting boundaries in role-plays about someone approaching them for help on the street. We ask them to imagine being a place that is isolated and that this person could potentially be a threat to them. The person might be asking for a little money to buy food or coffee, for you to take a paper, for directions, or for help finding a lost child.
We practice briefly acknowledging the person's presence and quickly disengaging from this person. This can be done by giving quick glance and then walking away, with a quick glance back to stay aware of what this person is doing. People can add language that is gentle but clear by saying, "Sorry, no." Or, "No, thanks!" Or, "Not today!" We have people practice using an attitude that is calm, aware, and confident - assertive rather than passive or aggressive.
If someone is more pushy, the message needs to be stronger. For example, "I said NO!" Or, "Stop following me!" Or, "Stop right there!"
Often a student, almost always a woman, asks questions like, "But what if this person really does need help? What if social stereotypes about people are causing me to make unfair negative judgments? What if I hurt this person's feelings when he or she meant no harm?"
I say, "My assumption is that you already know how to be nice. You are safest if you can make being nice a conscious decision rather than an automatic habit. Assess the situation. Assess the person's behavior. Remember that an attacker wants privacy and control. By getting close to someone in an isolated place, you are making it easier for someone to attack you."
I also demonstrate how someone who just wants help will probably respond to a boundary, such as, "Stop right there!" In this case, the person will probably stop, take a couple of steps back, and say something like, "I didn't mean to startle you. I just need help." This response gives you time to think about whether or not you feel safe or okay about giving the help asked for.
Someone who is not respecting your boundaries is likely to keep trying to approach you no matter what he or she is saying. Someone who keeps trying to get closer to you is giving you less time to make a decision and it is safest to be clear and to disengage as quickly as possible.
This doesn't mean you don't choose to help people. It means that you make helping a choice rather than a habit.
Here are two stories about similar situations where I made different decisions.
Once a few years ago, I was picking up bagels donated by Noah's for our Kidpower instructor training program very early in the morning before they were open. There had been a number of assaults on women on that street. I was knocking on the door of the shop to get the attention of the staff, but kept up my awareness of my surroundings.
Suddenly, a large man approached me from behind. I whirled around with my hands up. The man quickly backed up, but kept lurking nearby. I decided that the safest place was inside the shop, so I kept knocking.
When they let me in, I had a brief internal struggle with myself about not wanting to make assumptions, but ended up mentioning the man and saying that I'd appreciate someone watching while I walked to my car, in case there was trouble. A large man in an apron said cheerfully, "I'll be your Bagel Bodyguard!" and walked me to my car.
The next day, we had bagels donated by Santa Cruz Bagelry, which was also in the area where the assaults had occured. Again, early in the morning, I started knocking on the door to get someone to open up. This time as I was waiting, a different man called out from about ten feet away, "Mam, I'd appreciate a quarter so I can get coffee at the 7-11. I've got one quarter and I just need one more." He opened his hand to show me the quarter.
Normally, I don't like to give money to people on the street because I worry that it might be spent for drugs or alcohol, so I said, "Sorry, no!"
The man very respectfully said, "You have a nice day, anyway." He sat down on the ground, well away from the entrance.
When I came back outside, the man was still sitting. He smiled at me, but didn't say anything.
It was cold outside and I appreciated his not asking again, so I said, "Come inside and I'll buy you a cup of coffee."
"No," the man explained, "That's designer coffee and costs a dollar for a little cup. For just 50 cents, I can get a great big cup at 7-11."
I walked over to where the man was sitting and gave him the quarter.
We practice briefly acknowledging the person's presence and quickly disengaging from this person. This can be done by giving quick glance and then walking away, with a quick glance back to stay aware of what this person is doing. People can add language that is gentle but clear by saying, "Sorry, no." Or, "No, thanks!" Or, "Not today!" We have people practice using an attitude that is calm, aware, and confident - assertive rather than passive or aggressive.
If someone is more pushy, the message needs to be stronger. For example, "I said NO!" Or, "Stop following me!" Or, "Stop right there!"
Often a student, almost always a woman, asks questions like, "But what if this person really does need help? What if social stereotypes about people are causing me to make unfair negative judgments? What if I hurt this person's feelings when he or she meant no harm?"
I say, "My assumption is that you already know how to be nice. You are safest if you can make being nice a conscious decision rather than an automatic habit. Assess the situation. Assess the person's behavior. Remember that an attacker wants privacy and control. By getting close to someone in an isolated place, you are making it easier for someone to attack you."
I also demonstrate how someone who just wants help will probably respond to a boundary, such as, "Stop right there!" In this case, the person will probably stop, take a couple of steps back, and say something like, "I didn't mean to startle you. I just need help." This response gives you time to think about whether or not you feel safe or okay about giving the help asked for.
Someone who is not respecting your boundaries is likely to keep trying to approach you no matter what he or she is saying. Someone who keeps trying to get closer to you is giving you less time to make a decision and it is safest to be clear and to disengage as quickly as possible.
This doesn't mean you don't choose to help people. It means that you make helping a choice rather than a habit.
Here are two stories about similar situations where I made different decisions.
Once a few years ago, I was picking up bagels donated by Noah's for our Kidpower instructor training program very early in the morning before they were open. There had been a number of assaults on women on that street. I was knocking on the door of the shop to get the attention of the staff, but kept up my awareness of my surroundings.
Suddenly, a large man approached me from behind. I whirled around with my hands up. The man quickly backed up, but kept lurking nearby. I decided that the safest place was inside the shop, so I kept knocking.
When they let me in, I had a brief internal struggle with myself about not wanting to make assumptions, but ended up mentioning the man and saying that I'd appreciate someone watching while I walked to my car, in case there was trouble. A large man in an apron said cheerfully, "I'll be your Bagel Bodyguard!" and walked me to my car.
The next day, we had bagels donated by Santa Cruz Bagelry, which was also in the area where the assaults had occured. Again, early in the morning, I started knocking on the door to get someone to open up. This time as I was waiting, a different man called out from about ten feet away, "Mam, I'd appreciate a quarter so I can get coffee at the 7-11. I've got one quarter and I just need one more." He opened his hand to show me the quarter.
Normally, I don't like to give money to people on the street because I worry that it might be spent for drugs or alcohol, so I said, "Sorry, no!"
The man very respectfully said, "You have a nice day, anyway." He sat down on the ground, well away from the entrance.
When I came back outside, the man was still sitting. He smiled at me, but didn't say anything.
It was cold outside and I appreciated his not asking again, so I said, "Come inside and I'll buy you a cup of coffee."
"No," the man explained, "That's designer coffee and costs a dollar for a little cup. For just 50 cents, I can get a great big cup at 7-11."
I walked over to where the man was sitting and gave him the quarter.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Teaching children about persistence
Both children and adults have more power when they understand the meaning of powerful words, like persistence.
I often tell children in our classes, "Kidpower is teaching you persistence, which means not giving up. We want you to use your persistence to set boundaries and to get help if you need it."
Then I have everyone repeat after me, "Everybody say, 'persistence'!'"
Now, some children know how to persist, but they do it in negative ways by whining and getting upset when they don't get their way. Our job as adults is to help them learn how to persist in positive ways and how to accept disappointment gracefully.
Adults can help children learn to use their persistence by:
I'd love to have your ideas and stories about different ways of teaching children to persist appropriately and positively.
I often tell children in our classes, "Kidpower is teaching you persistence, which means not giving up. We want you to use your persistence to set boundaries and to get help if you need it."
Then I have everyone repeat after me, "Everybody say, 'persistence'!'"
Now, some children know how to persist, but they do it in negative ways by whining and getting upset when they don't get their way. Our job as adults is to help them learn how to persist in positive ways and how to accept disappointment gracefully.
Adults can help children learn to use their persistence by:
- Giving them opportunities to overcome challenges;
- Complimenting them when they are persisting in a positive way;
- Telling them if they get discouraged that even if something doesn't work that you are proud of them for using their persistence and trying their best;
- Guiding them to be persistent and positive by asking them to use a regular voice instead of whining; and
- Helping them deal with disappointment by telling them you admire their persistence even if they are not going to get what they want.
I'd love to have your ideas and stories about different ways of teaching children to persist appropriately and positively.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Be Willing to Look like a Fool! - Great Advice for Fundraising and Teaching Alike
The best fund raising - and teaching - advice I've ever gotten came from a master fundraiser of a very conservative very official organization. This man always wore a three-piece suit and raised over 100 million dollars from individuals for his cause.
"You have to be willing," this very wise man told me, "to look like a fool!"
Of course, I do my best to be credible, but I've found that at some point you have to let go of appearances, take a leap of faith, and communicate your message with all your heart.
Fundraising is actually a form of teaching. When you are teaching, you are educating people about a skill or idea you think is important. When you are fundraising, you are educating people about why they should give to your cause.
Our third 2-minute vodcast takes this advice very much to heart, with PuppetPower both for teaching safety and for fundraising.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clWY8ifPPjM
This was filmed in my living room with a couple of lamps and no fancy equipment. I'm getting over a cold, and my voice sounds like it. My hair has a mind of its own. Patrick Heaviside is volunteering his time to film, edit, and produce these with some coaching from my brother, Ken, and you can probably tell that we are learning as we go.
PuppetPower came into being when we learned that people, especially young children, will often listen to puppets better than they listen to us. This two-minute Vodcast has Duck and Tiger showing why awareness is important - and has Duck reminding me to ask for help.
I hope you'll have as much fun watching it as we did creating it!
And I do hope you'll put Kidpower on your holiday giving list! Donating is easy. Just go to:
https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=2854
THANK YOU!
"You have to be willing," this very wise man told me, "to look like a fool!"
Of course, I do my best to be credible, but I've found that at some point you have to let go of appearances, take a leap of faith, and communicate your message with all your heart.
Fundraising is actually a form of teaching. When you are teaching, you are educating people about a skill or idea you think is important. When you are fundraising, you are educating people about why they should give to your cause.
Our third 2-minute vodcast takes this advice very much to heart, with PuppetPower both for teaching safety and for fundraising.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clWY8ifPPjM
This was filmed in my living room with a couple of lamps and no fancy equipment. I'm getting over a cold, and my voice sounds like it. My hair has a mind of its own. Patrick Heaviside is volunteering his time to film, edit, and produce these with some coaching from my brother, Ken, and you can probably tell that we are learning as we go.
PuppetPower came into being when we learned that people, especially young children, will often listen to puppets better than they listen to us. This two-minute Vodcast has Duck and Tiger showing why awareness is important - and has Duck reminding me to ask for help.
I hope you'll have as much fun watching it as we did creating it!
And I do hope you'll put Kidpower on your holiday giving list! Donating is easy. Just go to:
https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=2854
THANK YOU!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Touch in Healthy Relationships
I just wrote a response to an e-mail request that I thought others might also find useful. I'm new to blogging and would really appreciate your thoughts, suggestions, and comments.
To have healthy relationships, you need to have good boundaries. To have good boundaries, you need to have an understanding about what is safe and what is not safe both emotionally and physically and to have skills to communicate with others about your boundaries.
Touch, teasing, and affection are often areas that can create problems in relationships. Here's a summary of our basic Kidpower rules.
Regardless of age, touch or games for play, teasing, and affection need to be:
Problems should not be secret. Touch should not have to be secret. Presents or games should not have to be secret.
If you have a safety problem, tell an adult you trust and keep telling until you get the help you need.
For children, the Kidpower safety rules about touching private areas are:
Your private areas are the parts of your body covered by a bathing suit. For play or teasing, other people should not touch your private areas nor should they ask you to touch their private areas nor should they show you movies or pictures about people touching private areas. For health or safety, such as if you’re sick, your parents or doctor might need to touch your private areas, but it is never a secret.
Knowing the rules is important, but people also need skills in communicating about boundaries. This is why our Kidpower teaching method emphasizes coaching our students to be successful in practicing the skills they need to keep themselves emotionally and physically safe.
To have healthy relationships, you need to have good boundaries. To have good boundaries, you need to have an understanding about what is safe and what is not safe both emotionally and physically and to have skills to communicate with others about your boundaries.
Touch, teasing, and affection are often areas that can create problems in relationships. Here's a summary of our basic Kidpower rules.
Regardless of age, touch or games for play, teasing, and affection need to be:
- Safe
- The choice of each person
- Allowed by the adults in charge
- Not a secret
Problems should not be secret. Touch should not have to be secret. Presents or games should not have to be secret.
If you have a safety problem, tell an adult you trust and keep telling until you get the help you need.
For children, the Kidpower safety rules about touching private areas are:
Your private areas are the parts of your body covered by a bathing suit. For play or teasing, other people should not touch your private areas nor should they ask you to touch their private areas nor should they show you movies or pictures about people touching private areas. For health or safety, such as if you’re sick, your parents or doctor might need to touch your private areas, but it is never a secret.
Knowing the rules is important, but people also need skills in communicating about boundaries. This is why our Kidpower teaching method emphasizes coaching our students to be successful in practicing the skills they need to keep themselves emotionally and physically safe.
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